somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
