You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
