You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize