5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
