don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
