I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
