it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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