Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
