we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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