so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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