can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
