Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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