you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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