I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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