I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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