Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
