My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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