He had one of those small greek statue penises
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
sarcasm needs its own font
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
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He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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