JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
