I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize