No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
