i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
