I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
