Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
