I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
