Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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