I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
