My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
