in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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