DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
