Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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