Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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