Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
