How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
