pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
