Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
