In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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