I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
