She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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