Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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