Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
