Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
