woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize