Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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