just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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