I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
