we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
