i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
