I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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