I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
