i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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