i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
