So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
