I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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