Pappa wants mamma naked
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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