Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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