I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
