My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
