Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
