I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize