K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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