Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
