i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
