My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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