You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
