is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
