I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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