God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
