i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
