did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
