How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
