I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
