i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
