Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
