Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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