Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
